Sick, sick, sick...

Poor Ellie! She has just been getting beat up by little bugs for about two months now! The first was a weird little cold and fever that came with a light pink rash on her chest. She got it from Jack and then gave it to Graham and Daddy. Then Graham's Daddy got it! Yikes!

Next was a pukey virus that she came down with on the day of her birthday party. This one also came from Jack. She threw up the night of her party and even though I knew Jack had a pukey bug, I was hoping she was just sick from her first real sugar load. She didn't throw up again for two days and then it was pretty much non stop. Lots of loads of laundry and bed changes! I got really good at reading her puke cues, though, and was ready with a big bowl at least 50% of the time!

Then Saturday, she woke up with a chest cold! Yuck! Unfortunately, we had to miss her cousin Emmalee's birthday party. With all these little bugs, I just wanted to give her little body all the rest it needed to get better! Not to mention, through all of this, she's been getting her top two teeth!

So last night, she fell asleep around 12:30 am and woke up crying at 2:40 am. She finally fell asleep on the couch at 5:20 am. I'm hoping she will stay asleep for awhile. If she's asleep when I leave for work, she will stay home and I'll come pick her up later with Jack. Hopefully she'll sleep til around 10 or 11!

I hope her teeth cut through soon and that the viruses will stay away for a little while. This kid needs to get back on track! The day before her birthday party, she actually brought her potty to Scott and had a dry diaper. When she sat on the potty, she went right away. So she was basically telling him she needed to go. Then she got sick and she hasn't been interested again until yesterday. She was also getting to bed at a regular time before all of this. Now it's just been nuts.

Good Grief!

As Ellie creeps, well runs, toward her first birthday, I am finding myself dealing with all sorts of new feelings. Pride, excitement, a little sadness, and one I didn't expect... Grief. I realize that I have been grieving for the baby I will never hold again. Believe me, I know how lucky I am to have a perfect child. She is ahead of the curve developmentally and I wouldn't wish it any other way. But at one year, it really hits home how quickly babyhood passes.

And as much as I love and adore the child she is becoming, I miss my baby! I wanted to write everything she did down, but what new mother has time for that? And now I feel like I may be forgetting things. There was a little face she would make when she was newborn that I could never quite capture on camera. Now I know I'll never see it again. It is heart wrenching.

I feel selfish feeling this way. There are women who want children and don't have them. There are mothers who have lost children. I know that this feeling cannot compare to their grief. But it is grief just the same.

How can I deal with the sense of loss as she grows more and more independent? The last thing I want is to stifle that in her. I also don't want to miss what is happening right now because I'm too busy mourning what I won't see again. It's such a balancing act.

I guess I just have to take a cue from Ellie and live for the moment at hand as much as I possibly can.

 

Inspired to Find Inspiration

Back in November, I bought myself some art supplies.  I've had an idea for some art that involves painting and photos and I wanted to finally try it.  We switched around our apartment so that both Scott and I would have more space for our activities and I ordered what I thought I would need.  But now it's all just sitting in a pile on my side of the room.  I just don't know how to get to it with a baby.  I was a procrastinator before, but now it's just ridiculous.  When I'm motivated, I can't get to it.  When I can get to it, I'm exhausted.  

But in the next couple of weeks I will be really making an effort to get things going.  I'm planning on buying myself a printer for my photos and it will need a safe space.  I can't wait to have the ability to print out my own photos!  I am excited to think about getting some pictures hung in the apartment as well.  

A big part of why I bought myself an iPad was to be able to store photos and plan projects on the go.  Also to be able to blog at will with something other than my iPhone.  So another project I will be working on in the next couple of days is organizing all the photos I've accumulated since the last time I promised to blog more often!  937 on my iPhone alone!

So I generally feel like I'm on the verge of being more creative.  I'm hoping that getting these last few things accomplished will nudge me over to the point where I'm actually creating something on a regular basis.  

Ellie's Work Friends

I obviously feel very lucky to have found a job where I can bring Ellie along. Even more so that both homes have friends for Ellie to play with! Here are some pictures of Ellie with her "co-workers."

 In this picture, Ellie is showing Graham how to go about selecting the tastiest leaves for chewing at the park. Graham seems to be taking the lesson quite seriously!

Here is another friend from Graham's home! This is Ramona! Ellie is learning to be gentle with animals and will now even say gentle ("EN ta") while petting Ramona!  

This is Ellie and Jack. We usually arrive to Jack's house before he is awake. When we go up to get him out of his crib, I will put Ellie in with him for a minute so she is safe while I get him dressed. Whenever I do this, Jack toddles over to her, gives her a hug and a kiss, and then turns on the crib toys for her. She is typically grinning ear to ear the entire time. 

Last, but not least, is Jack's dog Mia. Mia loves to play around the babies and is amazingly gentle with them! She also loves to hang out around the table during meals. It didn't take either baby long to figure out that she could quickly get rid of any food they didn't want! 

So needless to say, I couldn't really have it any better! It's so fun to watch them interact and I believe that Jack and Graham could be lifelong friends for Ellie. Time will tell.

Test Blog Using Blogsy on my iPad

I got my new iPad today and have been having fun playing with it all evening. Now I've installed a new app in order to more easily blog from it! So here's a test blog with a test pic just to see how the features work.