Tomorrow my daughter will be three months old. As I type here on my rocking chair, she is on our bed all swaddled up with her pacifier, gazing at me as she falls asleep with dozy smiles.
I love her.
I had obviously expected this. To love her. But what I didn't anticipate was the intimacy that would be there between us. The way she lays her cheek on my breast after she eats and smiles at me. A sweet thank you for providing her nourishment to grow. How she whispers her little sighs and sweet breaths at me as we slowly wake up together on a Sunday morning.
This love is new.
And it is perfect.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Pics From the Hospital
These should've been included in the last blog, I suppose...
View of... I realize I don't know what it's called... but the place they took Ellie to be weighed and measured and suctioned. It was very surreal to lie in a hospital bed and look over at the place my baby would soon be.
My adorable sister and birth partner setting up her little area. I don't know what she did over there most of the day because I was stoned and asleep for most of it!
Ah yes, the star of the show (until the real star arrived!). I was still a normal shade here.
My beautiful Eleanor's first picture! Perfect from the very beginning.
This is the team that helped deliver Ellie. Teresa took the picture. If I had been more with it, I would've tried to get one that included her, too! I don't know if you can tell, but at this point my skin color is green and my face is ridiculously swollen! I even had a "beard" of little broken blood vessels covering my chin! Lovely!
A smitten Scott holds his little girl for the first time.
View of... I realize I don't know what it's called... but the place they took Ellie to be weighed and measured and suctioned. It was very surreal to lie in a hospital bed and look over at the place my baby would soon be.
My adorable sister and birth partner setting up her little area. I don't know what she did over there most of the day because I was stoned and asleep for most of it!
Ah yes, the star of the show (until the real star arrived!). I was still a normal shade here.
My beautiful Eleanor's first picture! Perfect from the very beginning.
This is the team that helped deliver Ellie. Teresa took the picture. If I had been more with it, I would've tried to get one that included her, too! I don't know if you can tell, but at this point my skin color is green and my face is ridiculously swollen! I even had a "beard" of little broken blood vessels covering my chin! Lovely!
A smitten Scott holds his little girl for the first time.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Ellie is Here!
Eleanor was born on March 13, 2011 at 5:02 pm. I can't remember too much of the day, but I'll try to recap what I can remember here.
On March 11, I thought I must be going into labor. I was having contractions that definitely hurt and they were about 3-5 minutes apart. I called my sister to come to my house and called the midwife at the hospital to ask if I should come in. She told me that if the contractions had been going on for at least an hour, to come in, so we did.
When we got there, they hooked me up to a monitor and decided that the contractions weren't consistent enough and sent me home. I was so disappointed! They suggested I take an Ambien and get as much sleep as possible as I would probably be back the next day.
I took the Ambien and slept. When I woke up, the contractions were much more mild. I spent the day watching MST 3K with Scott hoping the contractions would come back. Well they did! At first I didn't want to say anything to my sister or call the midwives because I thought they felt the same as before. But eventually, it was obvious. So I called Teresa again and when I felt like she was probably getting close to my house, I called the midwives to let them know I was coming in.
We got to the hospital and I couldn't even make it through the door. Teresa sat me on a bench and got me a wheelchair. She got me up to labor and delivery and the next thing I remember is being in a bed hooked up to monitors again. I cannot remember getting into the gown or anything.
After this it gets hazy. I was so sure I'd be able to do this naturally. But I couldn't deal with the pain at all! I just know that they were gonna send me home to deal with the labor unless I wanted meds for the pain. I chose narcotics and an epidural!!!
Next thing I remember is holding Teresa's hands and making some kind of crazy "lalala" noise to avoid hearing the epidural. Let me explain this... I was there when Teresa got her epidural and it made a crunching noise. I almost passed out right in her hospital room! So that was what I was most afraid of at this point. Hearing that and passing out. I get queasy even now just thinking about it!
After this, I remember my tongue feeling cold and actually tasting the meds they were pumping into me. And from that moment until about 4:30 pm, life was gooooooood!
I guess I should mention that when I got to the hospital, I was dilated to between 2 and 3. By 7 am I was dilated to 5. Things seemed speedy and we thought she'd be here by lunchtime. But then I just stopped dilating. So the midwife ordered pitocin. Just a little bit, to get things moving. It worked, I went from 5 to 8 within a couple of hours and from 8 to just under 10 in less than an hour (I think this is all correct. If it's not, it's close). At some point before I reached 8, or maybe just after, the midwife told me to call her if I either felt like I needed to poop, or if there was an urge to push that I couldn't control. I remember the contractions getting stronger and more uncomfortable. I remember thinking I was being wimpy and that I shouldn't call them yet cause I could still control it. But then I remember starting to panic and telling Teresa, "I think I need to call them now." I don't remember if I called the nurse, or Teresa did. I just remember them telling me not to push, and then that I could bear down a little to get through the pain, but not actually push. I remember the midwife telling me to, "ride the contractions like a wave" and wanting to scream, "I'm not at the f@#king beach!"
Finally they were telling me to push. At the beginning of the contractions, I was supposed to take 2 deep breaths and then push as hard as I could, take another breath and push again, and take another breath and push one last time. I remember thinking, "I cannot do this for very long so I'm gonna push harder than anyone has ever pushed!" Instead of pushing three times per contraction, I was pushing 4 or 5 times. I was pushing so hard I thought my eyes were gonna explode!
I remember a few times screaming, "Are you serious?" and, "Oh my God, you've got to be kidding me!" as I attempted to push her out. At one point I said, "she's gonna come out looking all tiny, but it's a lie!!!"
Well at 5:02pm, she did come out... but she wasn't tiny! She was 8 pounds and 9 ounces! I'm really glad I didn't know this going in. I would have been terrified. A few different midwives and a doctor have said that bigger babies are actually easier to deliver. Maybe this is true, but my mind was prepared to deliver a little baby and that's what I told myself while I was pushing. "Rhiannon, she's little, just push her out!"
There was meconium in the amniotic fluid, so when she was born, instead of being able to hold her and breastfeed her, they had to take her from me almost immediately to make sure she didn't aspirate any of the fluid. I got to hold her for a moment, but that was all at first. Luckily, she was fine and once suctioned, I got her back. She took awhile to find a nipple, but once she did, she latched right on! She ate for about 10 minutes at her first feeding!
I really don't remember too much after this. I know I was in that room for a couple more hours before I went to myprison cell hospital room.
Well that's the story of how she got here. I'll blog more about the days in the hospital and what it's been like here at home later.
On March 11, I thought I must be going into labor. I was having contractions that definitely hurt and they were about 3-5 minutes apart. I called my sister to come to my house and called the midwife at the hospital to ask if I should come in. She told me that if the contractions had been going on for at least an hour, to come in, so we did.
When we got there, they hooked me up to a monitor and decided that the contractions weren't consistent enough and sent me home. I was so disappointed! They suggested I take an Ambien and get as much sleep as possible as I would probably be back the next day.
I took the Ambien and slept. When I woke up, the contractions were much more mild. I spent the day watching MST 3K with Scott hoping the contractions would come back. Well they did! At first I didn't want to say anything to my sister or call the midwives because I thought they felt the same as before. But eventually, it was obvious. So I called Teresa again and when I felt like she was probably getting close to my house, I called the midwives to let them know I was coming in.
We got to the hospital and I couldn't even make it through the door. Teresa sat me on a bench and got me a wheelchair. She got me up to labor and delivery and the next thing I remember is being in a bed hooked up to monitors again. I cannot remember getting into the gown or anything.
After this it gets hazy. I was so sure I'd be able to do this naturally. But I couldn't deal with the pain at all! I just know that they were gonna send me home to deal with the labor unless I wanted meds for the pain. I chose narcotics and an epidural!!!
Next thing I remember is holding Teresa's hands and making some kind of crazy "lalala" noise to avoid hearing the epidural. Let me explain this... I was there when Teresa got her epidural and it made a crunching noise. I almost passed out right in her hospital room! So that was what I was most afraid of at this point. Hearing that and passing out. I get queasy even now just thinking about it!
After this, I remember my tongue feeling cold and actually tasting the meds they were pumping into me. And from that moment until about 4:30 pm, life was gooooooood!
I guess I should mention that when I got to the hospital, I was dilated to between 2 and 3. By 7 am I was dilated to 5. Things seemed speedy and we thought she'd be here by lunchtime. But then I just stopped dilating. So the midwife ordered pitocin. Just a little bit, to get things moving. It worked, I went from 5 to 8 within a couple of hours and from 8 to just under 10 in less than an hour (I think this is all correct. If it's not, it's close). At some point before I reached 8, or maybe just after, the midwife told me to call her if I either felt like I needed to poop, or if there was an urge to push that I couldn't control. I remember the contractions getting stronger and more uncomfortable. I remember thinking I was being wimpy and that I shouldn't call them yet cause I could still control it. But then I remember starting to panic and telling Teresa, "I think I need to call them now." I don't remember if I called the nurse, or Teresa did. I just remember them telling me not to push, and then that I could bear down a little to get through the pain, but not actually push. I remember the midwife telling me to, "ride the contractions like a wave" and wanting to scream, "I'm not at the f@#king beach!"
Finally they were telling me to push. At the beginning of the contractions, I was supposed to take 2 deep breaths and then push as hard as I could, take another breath and push again, and take another breath and push one last time. I remember thinking, "I cannot do this for very long so I'm gonna push harder than anyone has ever pushed!" Instead of pushing three times per contraction, I was pushing 4 or 5 times. I was pushing so hard I thought my eyes were gonna explode!
I remember a few times screaming, "Are you serious?" and, "Oh my God, you've got to be kidding me!" as I attempted to push her out. At one point I said, "she's gonna come out looking all tiny, but it's a lie!!!"
Well at 5:02pm, she did come out... but she wasn't tiny! She was 8 pounds and 9 ounces! I'm really glad I didn't know this going in. I would have been terrified. A few different midwives and a doctor have said that bigger babies are actually easier to deliver. Maybe this is true, but my mind was prepared to deliver a little baby and that's what I told myself while I was pushing. "Rhiannon, she's little, just push her out!"
There was meconium in the amniotic fluid, so when she was born, instead of being able to hold her and breastfeed her, they had to take her from me almost immediately to make sure she didn't aspirate any of the fluid. I got to hold her for a moment, but that was all at first. Luckily, she was fine and once suctioned, I got her back. She took awhile to find a nipple, but once she did, she latched right on! She ate for about 10 minutes at her first feeding!
I really don't remember too much after this. I know I was in that room for a couple more hours before I went to my
Well that's the story of how she got here. I'll blog more about the days in the hospital and what it's been like here at home later.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Due Date! *or* "I Bet You're Excited!"
Well everyone, here it is! The big day! The day I've waited 9 months 10 months for! Eleanor's due date!
All week I have had people look at my belly wide-eyed and say, "when are you due?" I would say, "Friday," and watch their eyes get even wider. Then they say, "Oh only x number of days! I bet you're excited!"
So call me a party pooper, but I'm not excited about the due date. It's actually sort of a let down of a day if you ask me. I don't feel any closer to labor than I did a week ago and it's discouraging. If I didn't know better (and maybe I don't) I would think this baby has taken up permanent residence in my body. I feel like one day I'll finally give birth... to a teenager!
At my last two appointments, I was 50% thinned with a very soft but completely closed cervix. I want a natural birth with no epidural. I have an induction scheduled. I feel like this is a contradiction, although I know that the induction is scheduled for the last possible date. The scheduled induction does offer the bright side of letting me have a concrete date when I know that something will happen. Unfortunately, it is 2 weeks away.
All week I have had people look at my belly wide-eyed and say, "when are you due?" I would say, "Friday," and watch their eyes get even wider. Then they say, "Oh only x number of days! I bet you're excited!"
So call me a party pooper, but I'm not excited about the due date. It's actually sort of a let down of a day if you ask me. I don't feel any closer to labor than I did a week ago and it's discouraging. If I didn't know better (and maybe I don't) I would think this baby has taken up permanent residence in my body. I feel like one day I'll finally give birth... to a teenager!
At my last two appointments, I was 50% thinned with a very soft but completely closed cervix. I want a natural birth with no epidural. I have an induction scheduled. I feel like this is a contradiction, although I know that the induction is scheduled for the last possible date. The scheduled induction does offer the bright side of letting me have a concrete date when I know that something will happen. Unfortunately, it is 2 weeks away.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Freaking Out at 2 am
Well last night while I was in bed, I started to think about what I needed to pack for the hospital. I remembered seeing links to checklists online, so I looked a couple up. The lists looked a lot like this to me:
An item you don't have
Another item you don't have
Something you hadn't even thought about
Something you heard was nice but didn't think you'd actually need
Etc
Etc
Toothbrush
At the bottom of one checklist was a link to another article called, "What To Expect When You Arrive at the Hospital." That list was overwhelming as well. It seemed complicated and as if I would need to pull out a briefcase and a lawyer for paperwork all while in labor for the first time! Are they going to make me take out a mortgage on this baby???
So then I started to worry about the things that had actually been on my mind but that I had been trying not to think about. For instance, I'm the only driver in this household. If I go into labor, how will I get to the hospital? Ambulance? Is that covered? I'm sure I won't speed through labor, but my sister did... What if I do and she pops out before Teresa can get there to hold my hand? What if there is no one there to record any of it? Go ahead and laugh at me. I'll probably be in labor for 2 days or something and wishing she had just popped out, but Mackenzie DID just pop out! I was there! So it happens and it happens in my family!
After worrying about that awhile, I started to think about my messy room. I needed to clean my room in order to clean the nursery out. I started thinking, I can't bring this fresh little baby home to this mess. What kind of grown up am I? I can't even keep my room clean!!! How can I be a role model? What if she's a neat kid and thinks I am a horrible slob?
So I got up and cleaned my room.
That helped and after some Text Twist on Yahoo Games, I finally went to sleep. It was about 3 am by then. Tonight I plan to attack the nursery after work. I really want to be able to show people the room she'll be in at the shower on Saturday. It won't look quite like a nursery yet, but hopefully it won't look like a closet anymore, either!
An item you don't have
Another item you don't have
Something you hadn't even thought about
Something you heard was nice but didn't think you'd actually need
Etc
Etc
Toothbrush
At the bottom of one checklist was a link to another article called, "What To Expect When You Arrive at the Hospital." That list was overwhelming as well. It seemed complicated and as if I would need to pull out a briefcase and a lawyer for paperwork all while in labor for the first time! Are they going to make me take out a mortgage on this baby???
So then I started to worry about the things that had actually been on my mind but that I had been trying not to think about. For instance, I'm the only driver in this household. If I go into labor, how will I get to the hospital? Ambulance? Is that covered? I'm sure I won't speed through labor, but my sister did... What if I do and she pops out before Teresa can get there to hold my hand? What if there is no one there to record any of it? Go ahead and laugh at me. I'll probably be in labor for 2 days or something and wishing she had just popped out, but Mackenzie DID just pop out! I was there! So it happens and it happens in my family!
After worrying about that awhile, I started to think about my messy room. I needed to clean my room in order to clean the nursery out. I started thinking, I can't bring this fresh little baby home to this mess. What kind of grown up am I? I can't even keep my room clean!!! How can I be a role model? What if she's a neat kid and thinks I am a horrible slob?
So I got up and cleaned my room.
That helped and after some Text Twist on Yahoo Games, I finally went to sleep. It was about 3 am by then. Tonight I plan to attack the nursery after work. I really want to be able to show people the room she'll be in at the shower on Saturday. It won't look quite like a nursery yet, but hopefully it won't look like a closet anymore, either!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Bigger and Bigger
Wow! Just when I'll get used to my belly, I'll wake up to find it's even bigger than it was when I went to sleep! I'm afraid that even maternity clothes won't cover my belly by the end!
I took the girls to the museum yesterday and finally had to admit to myself that I cannot do everything I could once do. As soon as we got there I could feel it in my back. I had to sit down at every exhibit. I was so exhausted when I got home! I took a bath to relax and went to bed early.
I told the girls that the next time I took them to the museum, Ellie would be with us and it would be warm.
Eleanor kicks constantly now, unless I'm trying to show someone else or have someone else feel her kick. My mom was here for the holidays and never saw or felt her move once! I can tell she hears and responds to me (Ellie, not my mom) because when she's moving, if I say anything at all to anyone, she immediately stops. I've been poking her a lot lately, cause I can actually feel her body now. I can tell which side her back is on and feel her tiny butt above my belly button. She's running out of space in there, so when she moves I can often feel a knee or foot poking through. Yesterday I discovered that she can feel even a slight tickle! I ran my fingers down my belly and it almost felt like she did it back! I don't know what she was actually doing to cause the sensation, but it was like her whole body responded to it.
I've been getting Braxton Hicks contractions all the time. I asked my midwife about it and she told me what to look for before I worry. I hadn't been drinking enough water and combined with how much I do everyday, it can cause lots of BH contractions. So now I'm trying to remember to drink lots of water and sit down when I need to.
I had been procrastinating on the nursery but finally got in there a little last weekend. I'm hoping to have it cleaned out before the baby shower. I will want to show it off and I'll want to be able to put anything for Ellie in her room! Scott has voiced his lack of faith in this area many times. He thinks the baby will not have her own room because I will never finish. I told him he's wrong and so now I have to prove it.
Well I guess that's all for now. With the amount of time I leave between these blogs, there probably won't be more than one or two before I'm posting actual pictures of an actual baby!
I took the girls to the museum yesterday and finally had to admit to myself that I cannot do everything I could once do. As soon as we got there I could feel it in my back. I had to sit down at every exhibit. I was so exhausted when I got home! I took a bath to relax and went to bed early.
I told the girls that the next time I took them to the museum, Ellie would be with us and it would be warm.
Eleanor kicks constantly now, unless I'm trying to show someone else or have someone else feel her kick. My mom was here for the holidays and never saw or felt her move once! I can tell she hears and responds to me (Ellie, not my mom) because when she's moving, if I say anything at all to anyone, she immediately stops. I've been poking her a lot lately, cause I can actually feel her body now. I can tell which side her back is on and feel her tiny butt above my belly button. She's running out of space in there, so when she moves I can often feel a knee or foot poking through. Yesterday I discovered that she can feel even a slight tickle! I ran my fingers down my belly and it almost felt like she did it back! I don't know what she was actually doing to cause the sensation, but it was like her whole body responded to it.
I've been getting Braxton Hicks contractions all the time. I asked my midwife about it and she told me what to look for before I worry. I hadn't been drinking enough water and combined with how much I do everyday, it can cause lots of BH contractions. So now I'm trying to remember to drink lots of water and sit down when I need to.
I had been procrastinating on the nursery but finally got in there a little last weekend. I'm hoping to have it cleaned out before the baby shower. I will want to show it off and I'll want to be able to put anything for Ellie in her room! Scott has voiced his lack of faith in this area many times. He thinks the baby will not have her own room because I will never finish. I told him he's wrong and so now I have to prove it.
Well I guess that's all for now. With the amount of time I leave between these blogs, there probably won't be more than one or two before I'm posting actual pictures of an actual baby!
Friday, December 10, 2010
Sick and Tired
I've had a cold for the last two weeks and over the last two days it's gotten really bad. I've been feeling pretty sorry for myself. Up all night coughing for two nights! Coughing so hard I've pulled a stomach muscle and thrown up!
After throwing up at 2 am, I finally resigned myself to calling in to work the next day. I went to the doctor and was told to stay home one more day and not to be outside where the cold air can trigger bronchiospasms. Then I got three different prescriptions! Yikes.
Well the combination of rest and meds is already helping. I didn't realize that Vicodin was used for coughs, but it works better than any cough medicine I've ever taken! I've gone about four hours now without coughing!! It's starting back up again now, but it's just about time to take another.
It's interesting to try to balance the amount of stuff I do with taking care of myself. I have a very hard time calling in to work. Luckily, my doctor is one of my employers. So when she says to stay home and that I can't go outside, even to walk her dog, I guess I'd better take it seriously. But now that I'm pregnant, I have to remind myself that to take care of her, I HAVE to take care of me. And I have to remind myself that this will be true for the rest of my life.
So to any moms out there reading this, whether your children are younger or older, remember to take some moments to take care of you. It's easy enough to forget to do this before you have kids! I'm currently finding out how much harder it is as a mother.
After throwing up at 2 am, I finally resigned myself to calling in to work the next day. I went to the doctor and was told to stay home one more day and not to be outside where the cold air can trigger bronchiospasms. Then I got three different prescriptions! Yikes.
Well the combination of rest and meds is already helping. I didn't realize that Vicodin was used for coughs, but it works better than any cough medicine I've ever taken! I've gone about four hours now without coughing!! It's starting back up again now, but it's just about time to take another.
It's interesting to try to balance the amount of stuff I do with taking care of myself. I have a very hard time calling in to work. Luckily, my doctor is one of my employers. So when she says to stay home and that I can't go outside, even to walk her dog, I guess I'd better take it seriously. But now that I'm pregnant, I have to remind myself that to take care of her, I HAVE to take care of me. And I have to remind myself that this will be true for the rest of my life.
So to any moms out there reading this, whether your children are younger or older, remember to take some moments to take care of you. It's easy enough to forget to do this before you have kids! I'm currently finding out how much harder it is as a mother.
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